Thank you for tuning in.

“Love is a madness”.

I’ve loved and I’ve loved obsessively.

How could I not? Your inception came from a brotherhood. A brotherhood you may not have destroyed, but your cold dead hands held the rope from which it hung.

How could I not? You gave me the one thing I craved for since I first heard the cheers of an audience in my elementary school talent show, a voice. The same voice which you distorted

through your fun-house mirrors.

How could I not? You, when I stood alone and desolate, were there. You were there when I had nothing, but soon you became the depths of my everything.

To the All In Podcast, I can finally say, Goodbye.

You began when I felt alone, yet inspired.

You began from a number of cheap drinks and a brotherhood between me and my best friend. You were supposed to be that thing we did together. That thing, that was going to accomplish my dreams of building a monument that would escape the pitfalls of time and space.

Shortly after, you served as the wedge between that same brotherhood that you so wickedly came from.

But then, just like who you are, you offered yourself as a sacrifice for your own sin.

You spawned from brotherhood and then brotherhood spawned from you.

I somehow had lost a brother and in turn, received two more.

I loved you because you gave me peace and solitude from the loss of a limb and slowly my brothers began to love you as well.

How could we not?

You gave us a space that as men we do not create for ourselves within our friendships. A space to be truly honest and unfiltered with one another. A space to talk about heartbreak and disappointment and dying dreams and thoughts that do not fall under the umbrella of your typical “normative” behavior

.

We laughed. We joked. We seeded the bonds of our brotherhood.

It was harmless fun. Just three guys whispering their thoughts to stay out of earshot of the women in their lives.

Until it wasn’t.

Another limb lost, and there you were again. Only this time, this time, you offered your input on my pain. You were no longer just a space, you became the person I talked to when I was tired of talking to the voices unseen.

You offered me someone to yell at.

You offered me a punching bag for all the pain I felt.

You offered me someone to blame that wasn’t me.

So I yelled louder and more outrageously until I didn’t recognize the echo of the voice coming from my lips. You were no longer just a space, nor a friend to talk to, you were me.

Not the real me, but the me that suited your purpose.

The me that would get clicks from onlookers who wanted to see the car accident as it happened.

The me that would garner cheap laughs from the people who appreciated the chicanery.

The me that would take the onslaught of critique and hate just for empty promises of a glittery road.

The me that wasn’t even me.

Hey Pod.

I know this may sound like resentment in my voice, but don’t worry. Just like other abusive relationships, ours wasn’t without it’s highlights.

You gave me a place to come for therapy.

You rejoined that brotherhood, the very same brotherhood, you came in between. You brought that brotherhood to a better space. You eventually brought me to a better place.

You gave me two brothers, who I shared countless laughs with, at your expense.

You created a caricature of me but you showed me valuable lessons in that process. You showed me that the pursuit of love and admiration will never come from an audience, it is a silent endeavor which only the midnight candle can speak upon.

You gave me something to look forward to.

You now give me something to look back at.

Goodbye Pod. The last two years have been a blur. I will always appreciate what this was. It was here when I needed it.

To anybody who’s ever listened, whether you were an old classmate who wanted to just see what I was up to or if you were a stranger who just wanted to see what stupid jokes 3 idiots could make, I appreciate you. Although there weren’t many of you, those who listened, you gave us an hour every week, and that is time you could’ve been doing anything else in the world, and for that I appreciate you.

To the people who laughed at us, thank you. It taught me that criticism and hate is just a part of the game, a part of the process. You taught me what failure was and I hope I can utilize the lessons I learned here going forward.

To my brother Asef, thank you for creating this with me.

To my other brothers Sai and Vik, thank y’all. You guys have no idea what this pod meant to me. At my lowest of lows I just wanted to pod everyday, just so I could feel better. I know it wasn’t the easiest ride, but there’s no one else I would’ve wanted to rock with. Although this podcast is formally ending, this brotherhood is eternal.

Thank you for tuning in.

Peace.